Saturday, June 25, 2011

Currently listening to: "Thwap thwap schrrrreeeeeeaaaaakkk" by the Onomatopoeias

I've found myself to be a compulsive liar here. To the point where most conversations I have start with a lie.
" Are you a christian?"
"Yes, I'm a catholic."
"There is a very nice church, we will go on Sunday."
Shit. I should've said I was a Darwinist.
"I'll be out of town on Sunday, so I will worship in private."
"Okay, my son will bring over our bible tonight."
"Oh, that's okay."
"Do you already have a bible?"
"yes"
shit.
"Can I borrow it? i want to translate from english to bemba."
God damnit. I knew this was coming.
"Um."
Awkward silence.
"Oh, that bible. I meant I have one at home, my mother is sending me it, it's okay."
Awkward silence.
"So, i'll bring over the bible we will study together."
"Okay, sure"
God damnit.


"Are you married?"
"No"
Ugh, he smiles, I sweat. Why couldn't we talk about the weather, or topping we enjoy on pizza, the things i'm versed on in Bemba. Instead we opt for the things he is versed on in broken English.
"You have boyfriend?"
"No."
He smiles more. I feel a big lie coming on and put away my honesty along with my cell phone, which i've been pretending to text on. Really just reading through old texts out of habit in weird situations.
"I've always wanted a white girlfriend."
"Now I smile. I don't know if it was his chubby appearance, his piece of shit truck or his cheeze-whiz smile but it led me to ask," Really? You've always wanted one, why?"
"Rich, beautiful girl like you, I'd love to take you out sometime."
Barf. 5 minutes left in ride.
"What about you, are you married?"
"Nope." He's so proud, shows off his hand.
"Do you have any kids?"
He re-arranges his hand and in a less boastful tone, "one, a boy."
"Ah-hah! I don't date people who have children." I could've just not accepted the date, yet I took this route. I don't know why.
"What, you don't like kids, you don't want some one day?"
"No, I don't want kids."
"Ah, I've never heard of a person, especially a woman to not want kids. What would your parents say? What if they never had you?"
I feel like he has had this conversation before. I bet he has 15 white girlfriends. I bet his son is white. I want to tell him my decision has nothing to do with my parents, it was their choice to have me- not mine. I want to go into the overpopulation problem and the strain on our world already, any response will just continue this conversation, so I choose the best go out line I can think of: "Harruumpph."
He pulls over to drop me off, destination reached.
"So, do you have a number I can call?"
"No, I don't have a phone."
"What? You're lying."
I get out of the car, remembering I had been fake texting at the beginning of the ride. All this talk about white women and babies and the things girls forget!
As I walk away he shouts, "I get off in 20!"
"Sorry, can't hear you!" If you're gonna start with a lie, you may as well end with one.